Hobo Erectus: Flash Fiction or is it?

Hobo Erectus     

            A Manhattan morning lifts over the corner of 20th and 5th. The autumn chill holds still in the soft sunlight. A man named Carl once called Mr., and sometimes Sir, is wrapped in layers of throw away clothes he swiped at Goodwill. He sits down below the pastry shop window next to Arty the Dodger from the shelter downtown.     
            “Deranged, bum, hobo, homeless, crazy old coot, that’s all I could get so far today.  Perfect freedom for a perfectly carefree existence… only subsistence required.  Once a Captain of Industry with a shallow face and now I’m just a vagrant with a fragrant presence.  All we need is food and shelter and this wasteful world provides.  But, stupid pride and synthetic respect rules over the kids scrapping their way up the social ladder to nowhere.  But here, no taxes, no telemarketers, no nothing.  Sounds nihilistic but it is what it is, just survival.  Damn it! Bet I missed the guy with the Chesterfield coat again. He’s good for a sneer and a ‘get a job’.”
             Carl nudges Arty and looks down to his panhandler’s paper cup, a coffee cup that never had coffee in it. Carl shrugs and inhales a deep breath of sidewalk air. He exhales a stream of steamy breath into fast walking foot traffic and urban noise. Carl coughs and begins again. 
            “So Arty, this is the thing. Societies are artificial. They’re socially constructed values. Superficial no matter how internalized and regurgitated.  I am, we are, at the crossroad. Modern primitive scavengers or societal rejects? No we are the ones who see the world for what is… an illusion of confidence, of agreement. The city is here and must be exploited and the validity lies in the fact that if you take this all away and it can be done again.  I will be left standing in my desensitized worn shoes.  By the way Arty, remember to spit when you talk to them. And here comes a real snoot, maybe I can get her to swear.  Listen young blood, surprise is the essence of deconstruction.”
            Carl springs up and puts his hand out. Dirty fingernails stab through worn knit gloves. He bows his head to the woman smothered by a gray business suit. She locks her gaze forward and speeds up her gait. He shrugs and slips back down on the wall below the window. Carl watches people walk by like he was watching a tennis match in the long gone years.   
            “Missus business suit there, if the world sank, would have problems but she has the cell phone so she would high tail it.  The immigrant market guy over there, he would lose everything, but be fine, just start over.  From the highest to lowest, the highest have problems moving in the continuum.  Not enough desensitization, even if they seem insensitive.  That is them thinking about ego and birth.  A sweet smelling scatology so to speak. 
That’s why I hang here and fish for insults, it breaks them down.  Let’s them feel shame for a second so they react.  I’m a street psychologist.  Now take this one, a good insult coming from the prep-school boy.  Wait for it. Damn just the finger!  It was something.  So why do you stake out this corner?  Arty? Why aren’t you replying? It’s a little too early to take the night train. Yo! I’m talking to you.” 
Carl taps Arty on cheek.  His face is a calm blue, a cold blue.  Carl shakes his head.  “Now that’s insulting. You just had to tell me I was talking too much and I’d have stopped.  Dying just to shut me up won’t work.  Damn you were dead the whole time. Weren’t you?” 
Carl looks at a woman strutting by in a red Channel wrap. He points at her as she passes. 
“This is what your society did.” 
“I didn’t do anything,” the woman says as she stops and yanks off her over-sized sunglasses. 
“Exactly. You didn’t do anything.”

Fiction in a Flash: an itchy situation.

In the shade.                                                             
                                               

A young man dressed in loose blue linen, who has never left the Boroughs, walks with stern intent along the west side of Central Park in full bloom.  He appears as if he has not slept in days. His eyes are scarlet with blood vessels and weariness.  The overcast day soothes his newly found light sensitivity as he rubs his neck under the collar slowly with the tips of his fingers.  Irritable and unapproachable, he goes from the park through the hoards of humanity wearing designer labels and craftsmen hocking their wares.  He rapidly scratches the back of his neck with exhausted desperation.  All he can think is that the cantankerous cankers will not cease.  He pops a pill without water.
            He wonders what could have caused these blisters and why does everything itch all at once?  He has had allergic reactions before but that was because of the bedbugs that traveled to his apartment with the delivery of his new mattress.  He discarded it and sleeps on a pullout now. He wonders if it could be the synthetic fibers of the couch. The young man in blue stops and scratches his leg while leaning on a marble façade of an entrance to a retail building.  The intensity of unnerving, incessant itching increases.
            He gouges his lower back with nubs because he filed his fingernails down so not to cut his face while he slept, but sleep never comes.  His temper is ignited when a tourist with a white visor bumps into him while looking up at the airplanes flying over Manhattan. 
“Don’t touch me,” he screams and keeps walking. 
The tourist says, “I was told to expect this.” 
The young man in blue rushes into a Duane Reade and itches his shoulders as he enters.  The Allergy Medications sign comes into view dangling above a cluttered aisle, a rescue ship to castaways on a desert island. 
            The man in loose blue linen grabs all of the ointments, creams and pills that can be purchased without a prescription.  He never had use for doctors, and thought they were paid too much, but he contemplates going to the emergency room if this last ditch effort does not cure him.  He thinks he really should not have passed on the job with health insurance. Brightly colored boxes holding the relief tumble onto the checkout counter.  The squat male clerk with pock marks dappling his face looks at the man in blue with revulsion.
            “Dude, you get stung by a bee or some shit?” the clerk asks.
            The young man in blue, eyes almost closed, crashes through the exit and jogs through the crowded sidewalks.  People get out of his way as he pants and cradles his white paper bag of medicine like a baby. He reaches the shade of the park. 
Faster and faster he stumbles and knocks over a lithograph merchant and her plastic covered pictures.  He cannot stand it any longer. Getting the medication to his blood quickly will be his only resort.  A favorite sycamore tree is found.
He rips his bag open as he tears off his blue linen shirt and pants.  He rifles through his pockets and finds his nail clipper and pulls a credit card out of his wallet.  The creams are smeared all over his body.  He struggles to get the antihistamine pills out of the generic packaging but finally chops the pills on the card.
He snorts the powder and large chunks get lodged in his stuffed up nose.  Unbeknownst to him, a couple from the ‘Burbs’ with their newborn watch, get up and leave.  They wave a cop down on the street.  The young man, no longer in blue, sits on the top of his hands as he scratches his palms on the roots.  It is not working.  Panic sets in and he begins to shake.  His eyes shut completely as his throat begins to close.  All goes dark.
The cop sees the young man collapse and runs over to see if he is overdosing.  The cop checks his pockets and then his pulse.  He finds the medication.  The young cop radios for a “Bus” and puts the man on his side away from the tree so he won’t choke on his vomit.  The cop looks over at the tree, and having grown up in Jersey, realizes what is there.  He calls another cop in so he can wait for the ambulance and wash his hands. 
The EMT’s get the young man in the ambulance and the driver says, “That is the worst case of poison ivy I’ve ever seen.”
“I didn’t know we had it in Central Park.” 

“Neither did he.”

New Blog Post - Page 1 of the Ascendant. Check it out!

Since I've been posting the Horsemen colors lately, I thought I'd switch it up a bit and show you page one of another project I've been working on, the Ascendant. I posted the cover earlier, so I thought it fitting to post page one next. Those of you familiar with my twitter feed (@PantherPitt) will probably recognize this page. As with Horsemen, pencils and inks done by the incredibly talented Christopher Hanchey and colors done by the extremely skilled Rich Cardoso. Enjoy!
-Mark

Pour Some Sugar On Me: The Def Leppard Experiment.



Pour Some Sugar On Me... it most certainly did help.

Now let's take a trip down memory lane to the time when ripped jeans and Aqua-Net hairspray existed in a twisted, though oddly complementary, symmetry.

Though not my favorite video from Def Leppard, it certainly was a touchstone of that day and age. The video was also more importantly a helpful diagnostic tool for my young puberty enthralled mind that was constantly experimenting in ways to get girls or at least find the signals that would allow me to touch them.

Here was the test. If you watched the video on MTV at a girl's house after school and she shimmied in her seat while the video played... then there was a shot at perhaps a smooch. This hypothetical was put to the test and I'm happy to say the theory was valid. But the second part to the analysis was more more telling. When during the song, post-guitar solo, these lyrics would rumble.

"You got the peaches, I got the cream
Sweet to taste, saccharine
'cause I'm hot, say what, sticky sweet
From my head, my head, to my feet"

And if the girl sang along...

... then Sugar (though in a limited but thrilling fashion to a puberty addled squirm of a boy) was a plausible goal. This theory was put to the test and was successful. So, now at this time, I would like to publicly thank Def Leppard for their assistance in the experiment called Suburban Puberty circa late 80's.

In closing, the more innocent ways are extinct. The experiment no longer holds any relevance in this world of 13 year olds sexting and having BJ contests with different colored lipstick to find the winner. We have become a blunt society lacking the ability to read subtext and this makes us sour-pusses indeed. "The play is the thing" as Shakespeare once said and he didn't just mean a theatrical performance. Though I hesitate to call the lyrics of "Pour Some Sugar On Me" poetry, they are considerably more advanced than the magnum opus of Nicki Minaj...

"Did It On Em"

"Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, put yo' number two's in the air if you did it on 'em
Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, put yo' number two's in the air if you did it on 'em"

Absolutely no diagnostic value at all.

Watch the video up top and enjoy. If you want click an ad to the side or donate to this blog so we can fund our literary projects, that would be a fantastic thing. Thanks and Godspeed.

Cheers!