Pour Some Sugar On Me: The Def Leppard Experiment.

Pour Some Sugar On Me... it most certainly did help.

Now let's take a trip down memory lane to the time when ripped jeans and Aqua-Net hairspray existed in a twisted, though oddly complementary, symmetry.

Though not my favorite video from Def Leppard, it certainly was a touchstone of that day and age. The video was also more importantly a helpful diagnostic tool for my young puberty enthralled mind that was constantly experimenting in ways to get girls or at least find the signals that would allow me to touch them.

Here was the test. If you watched the video on MTV at a girl's house after school and she shimmied in her seat while the video played... then there was a shot at perhaps a smooch. This hypothetical was put to the test and I'm happy to say the theory was valid. But the second part to the analysis was more more telling. When during the song, post-guitar solo, these lyrics would rumble.

"You got the peaches, I got the cream
Sweet to taste, saccharine
'cause I'm hot, say what, sticky sweet
From my head, my head, to my feet"

And if the girl sang along...

... then Sugar (though in a limited but thrilling fashion to a puberty addled squirm of a boy) was a plausible goal. This theory was put to the test and was successful. So, now at this time, I would like to publicly thank Def Leppard for their assistance in the experiment called Suburban Puberty circa late 80's.

In closing, the more innocent ways are extinct. The experiment no longer holds any relevance in this world of 13 year olds sexting and having BJ contests with different colored lipstick to find the winner. We have become a blunt society lacking the ability to read subtext and this makes us sour-pusses indeed. "The play is the thing" as Shakespeare once said and he didn't just mean a theatrical performance. Though I hesitate to call the lyrics of "Pour Some Sugar On Me" poetry, they are considerably more advanced than the magnum opus of Nicki Minaj...

"Did It On Em"

"Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, put yo' number two's in the air if you did it on 'em
Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, put yo' number two's in the air if you did it on 'em"

Absolutely no diagnostic value at all.

Watch the video up top and enjoy. If you want click an ad to the side or donate to this blog so we can fund our literary projects, that would be a fantastic thing. Thanks and Godspeed.